Ditching Diggle
by cecelle
Summary: Hestia Jones is at the end of her wits. Dedalus Diggle is relentless in his pursuit. That is, until everyone's favorite werewolf comes to her aid.


Answer to FA Valentine's Day challenge: Draw a pairing from the generator, and write a story incorporating the sentence that you drew. The pairing I got:

**Hestia Jones is afraid of Dedalus Diggle**

Light and fluffy One-shot, absolutely not meant to be taken seriously.

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**Ditching Diggle**

It had been one of the proudest days of Hestia Jones' life when she had become a member of the Order of the Phoenix. To be part of Albus Dumbledore's inner circle, to get to fight against the forces of Darkness, to not just stand by helplessly, but actually be doing something – it had been exciting, scary, daunting, and fulfilling all at the same time. Normally, she looked forward to the Order meetings, to getting updates and new assignments. Lately, that had changed.

The reason for the change: Dedalus Diggle. Heavens, the man was ridiculous. Somehow, he had decided that he fancied her, and ever since had relentlessly followed her around. Every time they crossed paths, he would whip off his violently violet top hat, and with a flourish sink into a bow so deep that his nose touched his knees. All through the Order meetings, he would gaze at her starry-eyed, elbows on the table, chin in hands, not paying any attention to what else was going on. In short, he was making a complete nuisance of himself.

Not that the apple-cheeked, black-haired witch was opposed to attention from the male sex - on the contrary. But really, a woman did have to have some standards, didn't she? Diggle was old enough to be her father. Strike that. Her grandfather. Not to mention that he was the most preposterous little man she had ever known, with his outrageous fashion sense, queer manners, and absolute lack of even a shred of common sense. No, he was definitely not on her approved list of suitors.

Now if it would have been… Sighing, she clamped down on that thought immediately. No sense in engaging in 'what ifs'. But oh, if only…

-

Today it was February fourteenth, and she was in a rotten mood. Not just had Dumbledore called an Order meeting for that afternoon, she had absolutely no plans for the evening. And that was an absolute disgrace, if you asked her. Surely there must be a wizard somewhere who liked his witches on the plump and pleasant side? But no, she would be spending Valentine's Day in front of the Wizarding Wireless, listening to sappy love songs and feeling sorry for herself. Marvelous. Terrific. Whoopdeedoo. She hated Valentine's Day.

She limply sat in the Order meeting, listening to that Professor Snape droning on and on about some tentative plans the Death Eaters might be making about something that could possibly happen in August. Yawn. Every once in a while she shot an irritated glance at Diggle, who sat across the table making mooncalf eyes at her. The meeting finally ended, and the Order members dispersed.

With all the tea consumed at the meeting, Hestia decided it would be prudent to visit the loo before going back to her flat. She had just left the bathroom after going about her business when who should she see coming up the stairs with a huge bunch of red roses in his hands? _Dedalus Diggle_, all dressed up in his best bile-green frock coat. "Hestia, my dear where are you?" he called in a sing-song voice. And not just that – he kept pursing his lips and making strange smacking sounds.

Oh good heavens, he wasn't thinking of _kissing_ her, was he? As in, his mouth actually touching hers? The man must be delusional.

At just that moment, he spotted her. "Hestia! My angel!" He broke into a trot.

In a panic, Hestia started running down the corridor, away from him. She had to find some place to hide, and quickly. Frantically, she tried the first door she came to. Locked. She sprinted up a staircase to the second floor. The third door she came to gave way when she grabbed the handle. She slipped inside, slammed the door shut, whipped out her wand, and shouted "Colloportus!" Immediately, the door sealed itself with a gentle squelching noise.

She wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand and breathed a sigh of relief - a relief that was short-lived.

"Well, Hestia, what a nice surprise," a bemused voice exclaimed behind her.

With a stifled exclamation, hand over her heart, she turned around.

"Remus! What are you doing here?" she asked with a startled expression.

"This happens to be my room," he answered mildly. "So the better question would be – what are _you _doing here?"

She blushed beet-red, just as someone started banging on the door and muffled shouts of "Hestia? Darling, are you in there?" were coming from the other side.

"I'm running from Diggle. He's scaring me," she whispered. "The silly bloke seems to be under the impression that I harbor tender passions for him."

"And do you?" Remus asked with a grin.

"Remus Lupin!" Hestia said outraged, her hands on her hips. "How can you even ask such a question? I mean – DIGGLE?"

"Allow me to handle this," Remus said with a smirk, and unsealed the door.

Immediately, Diggle rushed in, holding out the roses to Hestia, who was trying to disappear into a corner of the room. "Hestia…my angel…"

"What is the meaning of this?" Remus Lupin demanded in a cold voice.

"None of yer business, Lupin," Diggle said dismissively while advancing on Hestia.

"You are telling me it's none of my business if you assault my girlfriend?"

Dedalus stopped dead in his tracks, and doubtfully looked back and forth between the wizard and Hestia, whose eyes had become big as saucers. Slowly he shook his head.

"Girlfriend? I don't believe it, I don't," he said, a shrewd expression on his face. "You're trying to fool me, y'are. Never even seen you hold hands. Girlfriend, my foot."

"Well, allow me to prove it to you." With two steps, Remus was at Hestia's side. Calmly, he tilted her face up with one hand, wrapped the other arm around her back, and gently planted a kiss on her soft, full lips.

"Oh my," she gasped, just as the little old wizard's chin began to tremble. He threw the roses on the floor, and stomped out of the room. In the doorway, he stopped, took off his top hat, and turned around. "Farewell, my love. Ye broke my heart, Hestia - ye broke my heart." With a sob, he disappeared around the corner.

If Hestia had expected Remus to let go – well, he didn't. Instead he drew her closer and proceeded to softly and thoroughly kiss her some more. After only a moment's hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss with enthusiasm.

"Oh Remus," she sighed when they finally drew apart. "That was lovely."

"My pleasure," he said with a grin. "It's a wizard's duty to save a damsel in distress, is it not?"

He tucked a strand of black hair back behind her ear. "By the way," he said diffidently. "Do you have any plans for tonight? I know a wonderful little Italian place…"

"No plans," she said as she snuggled back into his embrace. "No plans at all."

Merlin, she loved Valentine's Day.

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A/N : Hope you liked it - and please leave a review, if you would! 


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